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MAYBE IT'S TIME
TO LET YOUR WALLS DOWN
& LET LOVE SHINE
just for you

LOVE it, HATE it, It's all yours.

mistakes you knew,
i've made a few

~it's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance; it's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance; it'sthe mind afraid of losing never learns to give; it's the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.

~i just can't see things working out the way i planned them in my head. so forget it, i'm running.

~sometimes you have to break the rules and stand apart ignore your head and follow your heart.

~acknowledge me or lose me forever.

~what we do doesn't define who we are, what defines us is how we rise after falling down.

~don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

~you're so unpredictable and i'm so typical. i tried to sell you a heart before you saw the world.

~sometimes i can't believe my eyes. i want to stare up and get lost in the city lights because i've had enough and this is the end and now i understand that a heart breaks, it does not bend

~how are we expected to live in a real world when more than hald of the people living in it are fake?

~ dreams are the only place to where everything seems to be perfect, nothing is out of reach and everything you want, you have

~things happened for a reason, tears eventually fade and one day everything will be exactly how its supposed to be; moving on is a process, you have to promise yourself you're really ready to let go.

~ im thinking its a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they perfectly alligned.

~guard your honor, let your reputation fall where it will and outlive the bastards.

~there are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

~liars can't tell lies apart because they believe that everyone is always lying, just like them. they never trust in others.

~when you are in love, you can't fell asleep because reality is better than your dreams.

~some people come into our lives and dissappear; while others stay for a while, make footprints and we'll never be the same again.

~it's not love that hurts.it's the infatuation with what we so blindly accept as love that hurts.true love should never have to hurt.

~sometimes it's easier to day i don't care than to explain all the reasons you do.

~maybe sometimes it's a good thing to stumble. because there's a better way to stand. maybe sometimes we cry. because laughter cannot hide the worst.

~fake a smile like nothing is wrong. talk like everything is perfect. act like it's all a dream. pretend none of this is hurting. just so maybe i'll actually start to believe the lies in between.

~you'll never know untill you try. you'll never try until it's too late.

~someone will always catch you when you fall. and it won't always be who you thought it would. the people you think love you most might watch you fall, wait, and then congratulate you when you find your own way back up. this doesn't mean they love you less. they just know that you're stronger than you give yourself credit for.

~i'd give it all, everything and anything, but i wouldn't give up just like that.

~the best you can do is do the right thing. the second best you can do is the wrong thing. and the worst you can do is nothing.

~fight for the things you love, love the things you're fighting for.

~i'm not the person i use to be, i admit, a lot of shit got to me.

~in my heart if someone tells me i can't do something, i'm gonna do it just to prove i can.

~be the best you can be, and the worst without being get caught.

~when you get to the end of the rope, tie a knot and hang on.

~it's too late to walk away, because i've already stumble. and i'll keep falling, until i hit the ground-again.

~don't give up when you still wanna try. don't wipe your tears when you still wanna cry. don't stop asking questions if you still wanna know.

~the simplest things we tend to ignore are the simplest thing that matters so much more.

~only tears know how to remind us, we all break the same.

~i want to make a decision, but i forgotten how to chose.

~and here i go again. thinking about what i. could have done. would have done. should have done.

~living up to the expectations without cracking the pressure.

~how many times are you going to let someone say they'll never do it again before you realise they will.

~i've built a wall. not to block anyone out. but to see who loves me enough to climb over it.

~too often, the things you want are the thing you don't have. desire leaves us heartbroken and wears us out. but as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are the people who don't know what they want.

~it's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you ever wanted.

~under my feeling. under my skin. under the thoughts from within. learning the subtext of the mind.

~find grace in in mistakes

~with love and grief in mind, not yet ready to give all in and crumble.

~when something unexpected comes, just pick it up and run.

~you closed you eyes. that's the difference. you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. it you're ever going to have other people to trust you, you must feel that you can trust them too. even when in the dark. even when you're falling.

~did i make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

~simple dreams are the most painful because they seem so reasonable, so personal, so attainable. always close enough to touch but never close enough to hold.

~when you can lean on no one else, you'll find yourself.

~if you want what you've never had, you have to do what you've never done before.

~it's one thing to understand, but another to accept.

~staring up at the stars at night. i'm satisfied to know although we're million miles away, we sleep under the same sky.

~two stars blinking in the vast blue sky, shining and making signals, seem so close yet so far.

~sometimes you just have to run, and never turn back until you've reach where you want to be.

~just because you deserve it, doesn't mean they're gonna give it to you, you have to fight for it.

~if you don't understand silence, you don't deserve words.

~don't be so quick to judge, i only chose what to show.

~one of the hardest moments in life is deciding whether to give up or to try harder.

~when you have everything you ever wanted, that's when you have somthing to lose.

~you really shouldn't say i love you unless you mean it. but if you mean it, you should say it a lot. people forget.

~what done is done, i can't change time. but i'll be damned if i'm not gonna try.

~the trouble is, if you don'to risk, you risk even more.

~you have to learn to push through your fatigue even when you're tired.

~there's a reason why you're gone this far, just be yourself.

~somethings are meant to be broken, imperfect, chaotic. it's just the way the universe provides contrast.

~screw it. or love it.

~we spend time telling ourselves that everything happens for a reason. when in reality we give reasons for everything that happens.

~something simple as words can have such a strong affect on feelings.

~never say sorry for saying what you feel. that's like apologizing for being real.

~sometimes you don't know you've crossed a line until you're already on the other side.

~eyes are the doorways to heart, where all the love resides.

~if you love someone, you would be willing to give up everything you have. but if they love you back, they'd never ask you to.

~torn between a world of hates and a world of dreams. so much to lose, so much to gain, so much to fight for, so much to change.

~optimism means expecting the best, confidence means handling the worst.

~i took a chance, took a shot. you might think i'm bullet proof, but i'm not.

~if you believe it's in my soul. i'd say all the words that i know. just to see if it would show. that i'm trying to let you know.

~and then i remember to relax and stop holding on to it. everything then flows through me like rain and i can't feel gratitude for every single moment of a stupid life.

~sometimes to move forward, you have to look back.

~the more you care the more you lose.

~broken into pieces but no one can see it. you won't believe, i have nothing left to lose.

~behind my smile is a hurting heart. behind a laughter i'm falling apart. who you see isn't who i really am.

~capture my feelings in a box. make it glass so the world can see. seal it up. do not touch. the vulnerability i behold is beyong my control.

~when life offers a dream so far beyond expectations, it's not resonable to grieve when it comes to an end.

~you bite your tongue and pretend that you're made of stone. you never let it show, but honey, everybody knows.

~give up what you can't keep to gain what you can't lose.

~if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

~dance to no music, love without fear.

~love does things for reasons that reasons cannot understand.

~if it is true love, fight as hell for it because it's worth it.

~seduction is destruction, love is a function, sex is a succession. put your powers to seduce the showstoppers and make them the jawdroppers, gear into love without being a disfunctional relationship, and get down dirty if you reach the right level of feeling cause sex is no reduction even in this recession.

~there is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness.

~don't worry about not falling in love, in fairytales, they fall in love in the last page.

~almost lovers always brings heartahce.

~if you don't go after what you want you'll never have it. But sometimes, what you want is not what you need, and what you need may not be what you want.


knock yourself out.

February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
September 2010
October 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011

thank you.


differences that set me & you apart


I wish I wasn't this bitter,
I wish i'm a better person,
I wish i'm an optomists,
instead of a pessimist.
I wish i'm wiser,
instead of smart.
I wish i'm bolder and stronger,
instead of the insecurities i feel.


I wish,
i could hold myself to what i want to be.

But if all else fails,
Thanks for loving me,
and forgiving me.


11:31 PM Sunday, January 31, 2010


finding hope

Dear God,

I'm feeling very depress now. It's like I couldn't live a day without truly feeling happy since winter break. I kinda know why, but i kinda don't wanna believe that this is it. Life now, is so empty for me. It's like I know that you're out there, but i'm trying to please everyone around me, anyone except you (even though I know all this work will go to waste). I can't do this alone. Please, comfort me, let my find your way, let me obey your way. Because i truly am worthless, and have nothing to live for except for you. Make your desire mine, make me yours, use me. Forgive me for everything i did wrong, and every thought that corrupts your kingdom. Let me be humble. Let me be honest. Let me have the words to say what you want me to say to other, let my words bring comfort and true meaning to other. Let me get out off this dump, out of this slump, or let me bring your radiance to everyone around me. Let me glorify you, let others see what you have to offer, let others realise, that we're all just humans.

I want to say everything, but something's holding me back. I couldn't move, stuck in this quicksand, couldn't help but sink, deep deep down into nowhere. I feel like this life, well, my past years, are all pointless. I didn't give my all to you. And i've always said I would, but i couldn't live up to my expectations. And i don't know how to give! I don't know how to love. Please god, teach me, give me the wisdom to love.

Love is patient, love is kind. Love rejoices in the truth. How can i love? How do i show that I love? How? HOw? HOW? Love never fails. And I know, love has the power to chagne everything. Love originates from God, and God's love will never forsaken us. God's love cannot be contaminated. It will always be holy andn content. I need that love, I need to love the people around me. Right now, friendship is so tense (we couldn't get by having more than 2 sentenses without getting into each other's face), family feels so fake (i'm afraid to tell them how i really feel, afraid that they'll judge me and place more limitations on me), schools seems so pointless (so what does a degree says about you? nothing!), sports seems so empty (where did all the love of the sport go? don't we all still care about this sport?)...
everything feels so wrong. I need to get back on track. I cannot let all these pull me down, I'll get my shyt together, and shine through all this crap. I'll do it, with God by my side, with Jesus to forgive my sins, with the holy spirit leading me. Thank you Lord, for always being there for me. I love you.

In Jesus name I pray,

Amen


11:04 PM Thursday, January 28, 2010


this has got to stop

I can't LIVE LIKE THIS ANY MORE
I NEED GOD
IN MY LIFE
HElP me
GET OUT OF THIS DUMP
and continue to honour him
and live the life he wants me to
I can't do it anymore.
i'm losing everything
i'm loing grip of everything
i need to help.
i'm only human
I'm gonna let go
Let God take control of my life.
In jesus name i pray, Amen.


9:44 PM Wednesday, January 20, 2010


foolish

SORRY FOR BEING SUCH A FOOL.
i couldn't help it


12:18 AM Friday, January 15, 2010


pinch me, i need to know if this is real

COULD IT BE?
A glimpse of hope?
Or another trap setup to disappoint me?
I sometimes wonder, how come i never lose faith?
And yet, people try to lie to themselves.
This thing, I'm so sure.
But I'm just doubting if it's the right thing for me to do,
I never lose faith. NEVER.


4:49 PM Tuesday, January 12, 2010


cows can't go down the stairs

I don't know what to say.

What do you want me to say? There's nothing left to say to you. I just want to be friends. I didn't even formally reject you, you didn't even formally ask me out. Okay, so what If I avoided you and run from the real question? Truth is, I know the answer, but i just don't want to hurt you. I don't want to go any further, we're fine where we are, i'm not moving. It's either you stay and accept me as a friend, or if it hurts too much, you can leave. It's your choice. And it seems right now, as if we're worst than strangers.

You. I really like you. But now you wouldn't even look at me. I really don't deserve a second chance. I'm sorry. I can't say I regret my decision, I just wish you know how i feel about you. But now, i'm doubting. You broke your promise, i can't trust you anymore. Prove me wrong please, i'm begging you. Prove me wrong like all those times you did when i thought you were better, and still love you. But this time, it isn't that simple. Prove me that i'm wrong, Prove me you're better than this. I miss you, as a friend, as a flirt, and maybe a little more. But clearly, you don't think it's going to work out. When did you stop fighting? When did i stop having faith? Is it really over? I'm searching for a formal clarity.

And you. You're kinda on my mind these days. And we don't even see each other regularly. I kinda want to talk to you, and wish i'd know you better. Sorry i turned you down twice. But i really couldn't make it, but my heart is always there. I really wanted to make it. But i can't due to other commitments. Thanks for being such a great friend and a beautiful stranger at the same time!

you and you and you. Please. I'm not repeating my msitakes twice or thrice again and again. This is it. I'm going to close myself off, guard my heart. You don't know me, so please, don't fall for me. I want us to stay friends. Don't do stuff for me. Just be yourself, that's more than enough. Thank you, for making my day from times to times.


7:50 PM Thursday, January 07, 2010


let go

Every shred of hope collides in your heart
with the fear of loosing what you've just given up
As the moments pass you pray to survive
All these lonely minutes that once kept you alive

Try to change the expression thats worn out your face
As you loose the momentum of your past living ways
Every song is a channel for the memories to keep
flouting in your head as your left asking

Why did I choose to let it all go
Was it the fear of needing
or the doubts I let show
I never gave up fighting
I never said goodbye
So why? Why did we let go?....


Every day is a new breathe, but the battle's still on
trying hard to ellude them by keeping my head strong
Still I feel the exhaustion of wanting your kiss
As Im left here asking the same damn question

You never showed that you were scared of loosing me
And You... You didnt fight to make me stay in your arms


SO WHY?
WHY DID WE LET GO?

- Mia Rose- Let Go


7:47 PM


reminince


I WISH I WAS AT CAMP!

sipping hot chocolate with peppermint tea all night long
chit chatting by the fireplace with new friends and strengthening our faith
human pyramid in the snow & tobagoning & bob sledding & snowball fight
weaving amazing memories & taking pictures & realizing the beauty of nature
meeting new people & touching people's lives & spreading the lovelove!
Why wasn't i there? I have no idea.
OH WELL. let bygones be bygones over lattes.


9:45 PM Saturday, January 02, 2010


2010

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!


2009:
In The BeginningWhere did you go on New Years? stayed home.
Who were you with? Family!
Did you kiss anyone at midnight? no
Did you make any resolutions? yes.

2009- Love Life:
Did you break up with anyone? no
Did you get anything for Valentine's day? love
Did you fall in love? yes no maybe so

2009- Friends and Enemies:
Did you meet any new friends this year? duh
Did any of your friendships end? distant.
Did you dislike anyone? for a second
Did you make any new enemies? this is the first time i can say possibly
Did you resolve any fights? haha get real
Who were your closest friends? my best friends!
Who did you grow apart from? people, things...
Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships? kinda, this year, shit got to me

2009- Your BIRTHDAY
Did you have a cake? actually, no!
What did you do for your birthday? light run, hang out and backed dessert pizza. oh and tried on costumes.
Did you get any presents? nope.
If so what was the best thing you got? lovin that fact that i got nothing.

2009- All about YOU
Did you change at all this year? yes, MAJOR!
Did you dye your hair? nope
Did you get your hair cut? a huge one!
Did you change your style? Hair? Clothing? hair- MAJOR! clothing- not so much.
Were you in school? obviously.
Did you get good grades? not satisfied.
Did you have a job? once or twice.
Did you drive? no
Did you own a car? i don't drive, yet.
Did anyone close to you give birth? no.
Did you move at all? not yet.
Did you go on any vacations? yea
Did you leave the country at all? yea

2009- Wrap Up.
Is 2009 a good year? let's just say a lot of shit got to me.
Did 2009 bring any new insights? HUGE!
Do you think 2010 will top 2009? it better!

Confessions:
(x) was single for the whole year
( ) made out in/on a car
( ) kissed in the snow
( ) celebrated Halloween
( ) kissed in the rain
(x) had your heart broken
(x) broke someone else's heart
( ) had a stalker
( ) mooned someone
( ) went over the minutes on your cell phone
(x) had a good relationship with someone
( ) someone questioned your sexual orientation
( ) gotten pregnant
( ) had an abortion
(x) have a relationship with someone you'll never forget
(x) done something you've regretted
(NEVER!) lost faith in love
( ) kissed under a mistletoe
() took an honors/advanced class
( ) broke the dress code
( ) sent to the principles office for misbehavior
(x) got straight A's
(x) met one teacher you really like
( ) met one teacher you really hated
( ) failed a class
(x) skipped school
(x) did something you were proud of
( ) discovered a new talent
(x) proved yourself an idiot
(x) embarrassed yourself in front of the class
( ) fell in love with a teacher
( ) intentionally tripped someone at school
( ) got lead in the school play
(x) made a varsity team
(x were involved in something you'll never forget
(x) painted a picture
( ) wrote a poem
(x) ran a mile
(x) listened to music you couldn't stand
( ) went to a sleepover
( ) went camping
() threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
( ) laughed till you peed in your pants
(x) visited a foreign country
( ) cut in a line of waiting people
(x) told someone you were busy when you weren't
( ) partied to celebrate the new year
(x) cooked a disastrous meal
(x) lost something/someone important to you
(x) lied about how old you were
(x) prank called someone
(x) broke a promise
(x) fallen out of love back when i thought i was
(x) lied
(x) went behind your parents back
(x) cried over a broken heart
(x) disappointed someone close
(x) hid a secret
(x) pretended to be happy
( ) kissed in the rain
() slept under the stars
(x) met someone who changed your life
( ) met one of your idols
(x) changed your outlook on life
(x) sat home all day doing nothing
(x) pretended to be sick
(x) left the country
() almost died
(x) given up something important to you
() lost something expensive
(x) learned something new about yourself
(x) tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
(x) made a change in your life
(x) found out who your true friends were
(x) met great people
( ) stayed up til sunrise
(x) Cried over the silliest thing
( ) was never home on weekends
( ) got into a car accident
(x) had friends who were drifting away from you
( ) had someone close to you die
( ) had a high cell phone bill
(x) spent most of your money on food
( ) had a fist fight
(x) went to the beach with your best friend(s)
( ) saw a celebrity
(x) gotten sick
( ) liked more than 5 people at the same time
(x) became closer with a lot of people

1. Have you had any relationships this year? no, but almost lovers.
2. Have you had your birthday yet? duh.
3. Kissed two people in the same night? nope
4. Pulled an all nighter? no
5. Puked at all? not that i remember
7. Went Camping? no
8. Bought something(s)? duh.
9. Been out of the country? Yes
10. What are you thinking about? this!


11:23 PM Friday, January 01, 2010