LOVE it,
HATE it,
It's all yours.
~it's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance; it's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance; it'sthe mind afraid of losing never learns to give; it's the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.
~i just can't see things working out the way i planned them in my head. so forget it, i'm running.
~sometimes you have to break the rules and stand apart ignore your head and follow your heart.
~acknowledge me or lose me forever.
~what we do doesn't define who we are, what defines us is how we rise after falling down.
~don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
~you're so unpredictable and i'm so typical. i tried to sell you a heart before you saw the world.
~sometimes i can't believe my eyes. i want to stare up and get lost in the city lights because i've had enough and this is the end and now i understand that a heart breaks, it does not bend
~how are we expected to live in a real world when more than hald of the people living in it are fake?
~ dreams are the only place to where everything seems to be perfect, nothing is out of reach and everything you want, you have
~things happened for a reason, tears eventually fade and one day everything will be exactly how its supposed to be; moving on is a process, you have to promise yourself you're really ready to let go.
~ im thinking its a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they perfectly alligned.
~guard your honor, let your reputation fall where it will and outlive the bastards.
~there are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
~liars can't tell lies apart because they believe that everyone is always lying, just like them. they never trust in others.
~when you are in love, you can't fell asleep because reality is better than your dreams.
~some people come into our lives and dissappear; while others stay for a while, make footprints and we'll never be the same again.
~it's not love that hurts.it's the infatuation with what we so blindly accept as love that hurts.true love should never have to hurt.
~sometimes it's easier to day i don't care than to explain all the reasons you do.
~maybe sometimes it's a good thing to stumble. because there's a better way to stand. maybe sometimes we cry. because laughter cannot hide the worst.
~fake a smile like nothing is wrong. talk like everything is perfect. act like it's all a dream. pretend none of this is hurting. just so maybe i'll actually start to believe the lies in between.
~you'll never know untill you try. you'll never try until it's too late.
~someone will always catch you when you fall. and it won't always be who you thought it would. the people you think love you most might watch you fall, wait, and then congratulate you when you find your own way back up. this doesn't mean they love you less. they just know that you're stronger than you give yourself credit for.
~i'd give it all, everything and anything, but i wouldn't give up just like that.
~the best you can do is do the right thing. the second best you can do is the wrong thing. and the worst you can do is nothing.
~fight for the things you love, love the things you're fighting for.
~i'm not the person i use to be, i admit, a lot of shit got to me.
~in my heart if someone tells me i can't do something, i'm gonna do it just to prove i can.
~be the best you can be, and the worst without being get caught.
~when you get to the end of the rope, tie a knot and hang on.
~it's too late to walk away, because i've already stumble. and i'll keep falling, until i hit the ground-again.
~don't give up when you still wanna try. don't wipe your tears when you still wanna cry. don't stop asking questions if you still wanna know.
~the simplest things we tend to ignore are the simplest thing that matters so much more.
~only tears know how to remind us, we all break the same.
~i want to make a decision, but i forgotten how to chose.
~and here i go again. thinking about what i. could have done. would have done. should have done.
~living up to the expectations without cracking the pressure.
~how many times are you going to let someone say they'll never do it again before you realise they will.
~i've built a wall. not to block anyone out. but to see who loves me enough to climb over it.
~too often, the things you want are the thing you don't have. desire leaves us heartbroken and wears us out. but as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are the people who don't know what they want.
~it's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you ever wanted.
~under my feeling. under my skin. under the thoughts from within. learning the subtext of the mind.
~find grace in in mistakes
~with love and grief in mind, not yet ready to give all in and crumble.
~when something unexpected comes, just pick it up and run.
~you closed you eyes. that's the difference. you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. it you're ever going to have other people to trust you, you must feel that you can trust them too. even when in the dark. even when you're falling.
~did i make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?
~simple dreams are the most painful because they seem so reasonable, so personal, so attainable. always close enough to touch but never close enough to hold.
~when you can lean on no one else, you'll find yourself.
~if you want what you've never had, you have to do what you've never done before.
~it's one thing to understand, but another to accept.
~staring up at the stars at night. i'm satisfied to know although we're million miles away, we sleep under the same sky.
~two stars blinking in the vast blue sky, shining and making signals, seem so close yet so far.
~sometimes you just have to run, and never turn back until you've reach where you want to be.
~just because you deserve it, doesn't mean they're gonna give it to you, you have to fight for it.
~if you don't understand silence, you don't deserve words.
~don't be so quick to judge, i only chose what to show.
~one of the hardest moments in life is deciding whether to give up or to try harder.
~when you have everything you ever wanted, that's when you have somthing to lose.
~you really shouldn't say i love you unless you mean it. but if you mean it, you should say it a lot. people forget.
~what done is done, i can't change time. but i'll be damned if i'm not gonna try.
~the trouble is, if you don'to risk, you risk even more.
~you have to learn to push through your fatigue even when you're tired.
~there's a reason why you're gone this far, just be yourself.
~somethings are meant to be broken, imperfect, chaotic. it's just the way the universe provides contrast.
~screw it. or love it.
~we spend time telling ourselves that everything happens for a reason. when in reality we give reasons for everything that happens.
~something simple as words can have such a strong affect on feelings.
~never say sorry for saying what you feel. that's like apologizing for being real.
~sometimes you don't know you've crossed a line until you're already on the other side.
~eyes are the doorways to heart, where all the love resides.
~if you love someone, you would be willing to give up everything you have. but if they love you back, they'd never ask you to.
~torn between a world of hates and a world of dreams. so much to lose, so much to gain, so much to fight for, so much to change.
~optimism means expecting the best, confidence means handling the worst.
~i took a chance, took a shot. you might think i'm bullet proof, but i'm not.
~if you believe it's in my soul. i'd say all the words that i know. just to see if it would show. that i'm trying to let you know.
~and then i remember to relax and stop holding on to it. everything then flows through me like rain and i can't feel gratitude for every single moment of a stupid life.
~sometimes to move forward, you have to look back.
~the more you care the more you lose.
~broken into pieces but no one can see it. you won't believe, i have nothing left to lose.
~behind my smile is a hurting heart. behind a laughter i'm falling apart. who you see isn't who i really am.
~capture my feelings in a box. make it glass so the world can see. seal it up. do not touch. the vulnerability i behold is beyong my control.
~when life offers a dream so far beyond expectations, it's not resonable to grieve when it comes to an end.
~you bite your tongue and pretend that you're made of stone. you never let it show, but honey, everybody knows.
~give up what you can't keep to gain what you can't lose.
~if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.
~dance to no music, love without fear.
~love does things for reasons that reasons cannot understand.
~if it is true love, fight as hell for it because it's worth it.
~seduction is destruction, love is a function, sex is a succession. put your powers to seduce the showstoppers and make them the jawdroppers, gear into love without being a disfunctional relationship, and get down dirty if you reach the right level of feeling cause sex is no reduction even in this recession.
~there is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness.
~don't worry about not falling in love, in fairytales, they fall in love in the last page.
~almost lovers always brings heartahce.
~if you don't go after what you want you'll never have it. But sometimes, what you want is not what you need, and what you need may not be what you want.
Conflicts. Problems. Do they ever have solutions? Our opinions don’t meet but all of us are hoping for the same reason, fighting for the same reasons. This is what I called friends, totally opposite that get along together like chocolate and vanilla. Perfect!
After this conversation, my views of you flipped 360 degrees. I always guessed, but I never knew. Is this a game? It might be to you, but we really care. I’m worried. None of us is any help to you, the only way you can be saved or renewed is to believe in God. Forget about all the traditions, forget about all the myths, Just believe. I feel like it’s my job to get the message over. That’s the only present I can ever give you, and he will live in you, embrace you, save you, free you. Life is short, you had a chance but I don’t know is it the fact that you’re too stubborn to change or accept. Or was it your choice to fail and suffer miserably again? I thought you would want to spit it out, we’ll be there for you. We gave you a chance, like she said, but you never cherish it. Who do you think you are?
I just hope you would open up and tell us more of how you feel, but I guess you don’t have to. You have the right to not share. Somehow, you look too deep & understanding to have such a stubborn mind or an empty heart. It seems that my inference are wrong.
You wear a mask, to hide all the scars you have been through and laugh it off with a haha. Ain’t this crazy, that you never got mad at me? For treating you like this? I still admire your patience and your determination and you skills.
~shocking truth~ |
|
♥ 11:35 PM Friday, March 28, 2008
Time flies so fast. There's no turning back, no fast forward. Stuck with it, live with it.
Lots of stuff happenned. but they just can't made into words.
It's not worth it. Just not worth it. Pointless.
Suddenly, i wish we were together. The answer you gave touched me. You can't say no because of her, you're a great guy. The next day, you came and ask. I thought you just wanna make it up cause i'm leaving. And i rejected without understanding. I found out later that you dump her for me. Unfortunately, i don't even believe you had one before. So i'm sorry. After that, i tried to contact you. But you blocked me. I guess there a reason, but yuou should have explain it to me. My answer is definately a yes, to you. I miss you. I wanna talk or chat or see or hug you so badly. Now, my heart is full of regretz. Till now, i still haven't made it clear, or understnad the truth. but it's probably not worth it, but it keeps on hunting me.
~talk to me~
♥ 9:48 PM Thursday, March 27, 2008

He is risen. The tomb is empty! Jesus conqueer death, he rose from the grave. He is alive and still living in me. It is just the beginning, more yet to come, miraculous things ought to occur. Hope is once again restored, Love is once again poured out. Everyone is rejoicing! He saved us, his precious blood washed away all our sins, he understands us, he knows us. He knows our weekness, he allows everything to happen, even the unfortunate. He is fair, he is justice, he is righteouness but yet he have to die for us because it's the only way to save us. He love us more, more than the crown, more than the thrown. That's why he did it. Love it the reason.
His love is everlasting. His love endures forever. He is love. He understands what is love. He washed our sins away. He gave us an after life. He is the one that erase the ending of death, there is more after death, there is life after death. Death doesn't seal the ending although it seems like it. Death is not powerful enough to conclude it all. There is a story after death. He died and rose again to open the gates of heaven and welcome us into the place.
~love~
♥ 5:14 PM Sunday, March 23, 2008

This picture says is all. It's good friday. It's the day when the skies are dark, the earth is trembling, all our sins are on gathered together. God, sent his only son, Jesus to die on the cross so that we could be with him. There is no other way, Jesus has to be crucified, with long, thick nails pierced into his hands, worst, he has to bear all the sins we did or we will do in the future although he is the holy one, the righteous one. He is the only one who can bear it, the seperation between he and his father, no one can picture it. It's the kind of relationship that i wish i had. His love, his grace overflow to every inch of the earth, brightens every dark corner of the street, turn every frowns into happiness, throw away every hints of worries, give us hope, give us love, give us comfort, give us the best... There's so much that he did, even the slighest detail he cares and observes. Because of him, i am a new me. I will forget my past and forgive myself because he forgave me. He gave me a chance, so i think i should give myself a chance, and learned from my wrongs but never dig it up. You died on the cross because of us. I don't know what to say, i can't make sure i'll live tomorrow, i'm not scared of dying, but i'm scared of you, and scared of the judgement day, scared when you open the book of my past, i don't even know if i can look again, scared when all the secrets are spilled, i'm in deep fear that i won't have time to do what you want me to do.
Lord, please give me obedience to follow the path that you draft for me. Please let me know what is the right thing to do and say, please teach me how to love. Please let me be part of your plan, and give me the obedience to follow the plan, so that i will not be astray. Please bless me and my family. Thanks for always watching over us, feeding us, blessing us. You know what i deserve, you know what's best for me, thanks. Teach me how to let go and sacrifice myself for you. Teach me how to give my whole self to you. In the name of Jesus, Amen.
~sayings on the cross~
♥ 10:50 PM Saturday, March 22, 2008
I tried. I tried. I tried.
But it doesn't work.
I can't believe what i saw.
I can't believe this is it.
What is wrong with me? I really don't get it. Am i not fast enough for you? Yeah, maybe i'm not but at least i'm second. But NO, i'm just an average girl. Well, guess what? I'm not an average girl, at least i thought i was the second fastest girl in my school. If i am, then this must be crazy. I lost to tons of youngster? Fine, i'm slow. But i trained so hard, my drops of sweat is a waste of time & effort. My blood on the track & the court is just ignored. I thought i lost my motivation, maybe i did, okay, i actually did. But i thought i gained it back? I can't find it right now. I'm so lost in my own world, in my own busy life.
I think i need to spend time for you, yes you, so you can clear my mind and let me build my faith on you, because you know what's best for me. I'm so glad to know that you're always there for me, always watching over me. Thanks, a billion times. The serenity, the comfort, the love, the peace, is so unique & powerful. I changed. I don't like the new me, but i don't like the old me.
I want another me or another you. Just not another clone of me right now.
Me right now is like a dead person roaming through the busy streets without a purpose,
always depress, always hopeless.
please save me. i beg you to save me. i need love.please save me. i beg you to save me. i need love. i need hope. i need to recover from my faith. i need motivation. i need height. i need speed. i need good hands. i need a clean heart. i need a clear path. i need a good brain. i need a photographic memory. i need you by my side. i need you to perform miracles on me. i need you blessing. i need you to pour your blessing down on my friends. i need to understand you more. i need to talk to you more. i need to improve on my communication skills. i need improvement. i need money. i need a house. i need to learn how to love my family. i need my friends. i need wisdom. i need you. i need a motivation. i need a purpose. i need love. i need faith. i need hope. i need you or i can't survive. i need your teachings. i need you. i need love. i need you. i need hope. i need you.i need faith. i need you.
~i need you~
♥ 9:43 PM Wednesday, March 19, 2008
3 things in life that once gone, never ecome back:
- TIME- WORDS- OPPORTUNITIY3 things in life that can destroy a person:
- ANGER
- DEPRESSION
- PRIDE
3 things in life you should never lose:
- LOVE
- HOPE
- FAITH
3 things in life that are never certain:
- FORTUNE
- SUCCESS
- DREAMS
3 things that make a person:
- COMMITMENT
- HARD WORK
- DESIRE
~remember~
♥ 9:30 PM
I'm devastated. Everything isn't what i expect or my expectations are too high. I don't know, my first impression is decent, but when practice started, chaos happenned. Everything is just chaotic.
It might be my confidence, my ability, my skills, my unprepareeness. What's wrong with me? i seriously don't know. It's just ain't right. What i do doesn't make sense, I need to improve so badly. Really really badly, or is there anyway i can bump up my confidence. Haih. Furthermore, you're not going to be there for me tommorrow. I think i'll survive but i don't know, i'll be alone. Haih. I just wish i know someone better. How did you get so good?
I need better hands, more height, more bouncing soles, better shoes. I'm complaining too much, whinning too much. I don't even know what's next.
~never give up~
♥ 5:25 PM Monday, March 17, 2008
Thanks Thanks Thanks
You just made me understood why i lost my motivation, it's because this four-letter word: HOPE. HOPE, plays a major role, it keeps us going, it motivates us. I just realised, Hope, is the thing that motivates me last time, when i used to live in my 'lala' land, anything is possible, everyone is sweet. But when time comes, i glance in the mirror, everything horror reflects upon me, i woke up from my paradise, there was no such thing as 'lala' anymore. Everything is corrupted, everything seems so pointless, no matter how much effort i put in, i can't be like you, that's the moment i lost hope.
It's like being rolled down the hill, and keep on going downwards, because gravity is pulling you down, down & deep under. It's like falling over a cleft, you've lost the sense of time, you've lost you mind, you're out of control, but you keep on falling, and you don't even know when you'll hit the solid ground or when the pain begins. It's desperate, it's pointless, it's useless, it's miserable.
Now i understand, there's always hope. Fairytales do come true, hard work does pay off, but sometimes not in the way you want it to be rewarded, but still, always HOPE.
I've learned to hope, especially when clearly there's no hope.
It has been proven. Once there's 6 rats in a cage. An experiment was conduct to put these rats into the water and see which one survive longer. They diveded into 2 groups, 2 rats per group. One groups of rats was put in the water and let it drown; the other was put in the water, then take it out for a breathe of air, and put it back in. The one that doesn't have a breathe of air, died in a day, because there's no hope; the one that had a gulp of air swam & struggle for 3 days & dies. Evern hope can save the rats. Why can't hope touch us? Where can you find hope?
~always hope, never lose it~
♥ 5:46 PM Sunday, March 16, 2008

I crave for shorts so badly. There another brown one with a cutting on the back, but i can't find the picture of it. It's also addidas, waterprove, climateprove! Ain't it awesome? Unfortunately, i only saw it twice, once a girl wore it, the other is at this store that i can't remember where it is. Haih, my dream shorts...where are you? This black one is okay.... if you offer...i would take it :)
~where are you?~
♥ 5:25 PM
I casually jogged past you. We exchange a glance and that's all we do right now. I can't look at you in the eye, because of all we've been through, because of all the misunderatanding that's in the mist... But then, we pause for a moment, and you mentioned about 'camp'. I was stunned by the moment those four letter words came out from you mouth! Somehow i feel excited, somehow i feel down. I have a mixed emotion. We talked about it, and finnaly, you told us the price.
I know that you want to pay, but i know that you're on a budget. How can i say this? I need your money but i don't want it to be from your pocket. Anyways, i grabbed the form and folded in to half, a smile swept across my face, my imagination starts flowing like a waterfall.
I hold the paper in my hand, skipping back home, unusually giddy about the camp, unusually happy about it! When i step into the door, you started naging at me. Yes, i'm late! Yes, i don't help you out! BUT WHY DO YOU HAVE TO CHOSE TO BRING ME DOWN WHEN I"M STARTING TO SEE THE FRESH START?! WHY?! You just crushed me into a million pieces, unfortunately, you can see through my heart. I don't even want you to know that you broke my heart, again and again. It hurts, a lot, it's a feeling where no words can describe it. Or maybe there is, but it's too cruel to even think about the words to describe it. I concealed it, my feelings, my thoughts are kept unrevealed. period. Everything's a secret because of how you treat me.
Gimme a break. Give yourself a break. Learn how to trust you, learn how to act dumb, learn how to plug your ears, learn how to act like you don't know anything when the truth is you know every single detail about it. Life is so fake, no, life is real.
Why can't you just trust in me? Or understand me? How can i explain to you when i know you'll judge me? Okay, i know i was wrong. I know i'm demanding, i know i want things my way, but i really don't have a choice. you don't want me to pick do you, cause the results would be ugly.
Home, what is the meaning of this word. Family, what is the meaning of this word I've lost them both.
|
|
♥ 9:22 PM Wednesday, March 12, 2008
I LOST IT. I seriousl did it, i actually lost the motivation to keep up to you. I know i can do it, but i just won't. I don't know, this feeling sucks. It's like you know what your limits are but you just can't prove them for some reason. Maybe i really don't know my limits, but one thing, i know i have a limit. I just wish i could feel the ball once again, and improve my skills, instead of swinging my arms like crazy and it wouldn't help me get any further.
I'm stuck on the same spot. I don't know why? Did you get better? or i got worst? I have to know. It's no use. I'm stuck with it. I can't catch up, there's too many people in between, I don't know what to do. Please help me. i can't do it anymore. I can't see my results anymore, i thought i was always behing you, but that wasn't the case, everything was ain't okay.
~tommorow will be better~ |
|
♥ 7:25 PM Monday, March 10, 2008
I am so screwed for everything.
The earth is spinning, the time is flying, nothing stops and watis for me. I keep running, but i can't catch up. Everyone gave me a look and smirk, then walked past me without lending a hand or sympathize me. My eyes are baggy, my hands are sore, my butt hurts a lot, worst of all, my brain isn't functioning. I look horrible, and i sound depressed.
I wonder, i question myself: did i concealed it too good for you to see through the fake smile? Or you didn't even try to understand me?
Maybe, just maybe. I'm borned to be a professional actor that always put a mask in front of me and a show to distract you from knowing the real me. Or i'm just too secretive? When you asked me am i okay, what am i suppose to say? Should i ask what do you wanna hear? Screw asking my doings when you're not willing to help!
JUST SHUT UP AND KISS ME, HUG ME, HURT ME, KILL ME, ABUSE ME, TELL ME, YELL AT ME, SMILE AT ME, SCOLD ME, BLAME ME, KICK ME, PUNCH ME, SPANK ME, HIT ME. BECAUSE I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. I'M PARALIZED, I HAVE NO FEELINGS OF WHATSOEVER, NO SENSE OF THE ATMOSPHERE, I'M NUMB.~a living dead person~
♥ 2:21 PM Sunday, March 09, 2008
I drove according to the directions, looking for the number, longing for it to appear. When i saw it, the heavy stone is dropped from a tall tall building, every strand of worries and eagerness vanish into thin air, disappear in a split second. I walk up your doorstep, the door seem to open automatically just in the right moment. I saw you, hiding behind the door. We smiled and greeted before we went in.
There was this tall guy standing in the middle of the living room, said hi to me and went upstairs. Everything was silent later, i can hear my own heartbeat beating, my breath coming out from my nasal, my stomach grumbling, my mind thinking. The silence is enchanting, absorbing... without a doubt, it is still silent. I'm restraining from making a noise, scared that i would disrupt the silence. I tried to remember everything i can, the walls are creamy yellow, the kitches is glassy white without a stain, there are small little comfy pillows lying on the couch as decoration, the tables are served with mats on them...
Weird, everything seemed untouched but the coziness is present, faintly.
We worked in silence but it doesn't feel awkward. Maybe it's because there's too much on our minds, or maybe it's just me, busy thinking about your house and where is everyone else. I never knew your hisotry nor your background, i don't dare to ask because we haven't step into that kind of level yet. I hope one day we'll grow, one day we'll meet. To tell the truth, it's quite boring, i have to fake a smile and supress my opinions to talk to you. I guess you're not my kind, but still, nice to meet you :)
~silence & still ness~
♥ 7:54 PM Saturday, March 08, 2008

I'm such a nerd. I'm such a bitch. I'm such a dork.
I'm busy doing my project now. So much to do, So much to see, So much to feel. I'm never going to be done. All crammed together due to my procastination. The size of the work, the look of my bagy eyes, the knots in my brain...altogether make me a better person, i think.
Touching the ball was just so fun. It's like i can play again. Like i once did, i want to get better, so the only way is to play the game you play. Haih, it's all about competition. All about speed, strength, stamina, skills...i wonder do i have all those under my belt or am i just hoping and envision the impossible.
You are so impossible. I still can't take my eyes of you, technically, my mind of you. I thought i left you back in my mind where it's too deep for me and too dangerous to look again. But now, i'm glancing back and dreaming about what we once had. I miss you, how are you doing?
~a word from you is enough~
♥ 9:01 PM Friday, March 07, 2008

YES. I'm desperate. Desperate to be faster than you, desperate to tag behind you. But it eneded up you overlapped me again. I don't know why, i mean i know i can keep up to you. But i chose not to, it's so weird. For some reason, i felt so weak, so unceratain, so miserable. I need ball time, i have to beat you. It's this thing that haunts me, i have to always be near to you. I always say i'll try to tag behind you but i just can't. There's to many people. I hate cutting people. The only way is to stay behind and cut people. Haih. I don't even know what to think.
Lately, i've been so emo. There's no perticular reasons but i know i'm very busy. Late-nighters, rushing my homework, no time to think, no time to hesitate, confused and lost. Everything around me is spinning, i'm in a washing machine, all bundle up. The water that's puring in is too strong, i can't help it but to flow according to the flow no matter what, no matter when. I'm outa control.
~once again i miss the old times~
♥ 7:45 PM Thursday, March 06, 2008
What is it? i don't understand. You're ahead of me it's resonable, you overlapped me, NO WAY! I know it's possible, but is my walking speed really that slow? Did i do it the wrong way? But it strictly didnt' hurt! I mean 100m, 200m, 300m, 400m, 500m, 400m, 300m, 200m, 100m... and it didn't hurt at all! BUT 3x200m piched my butt so hard that i can't even stand properly! What is wrong with me? Does the rest really make such a big difference? OR am i just weird?
For so long, i still couldn't figure out why. And i know i won't. Life's like a blue poison rose, but it has a different ending to everyone. Those who believed will be save...those who don't will just fade away or maybe worst...everlasting torture. Ever imagined to be torture for your whole life, i mean FOREVER. Honestly, i'm scared of the word 'forever', it means everlasting, no ending. IT terrifies me to be in hell forever, it makes me happy to be in heaven for ever; such a big difference yet we get to make the choices because they are openned for us...thx for everything.
~learn to be generous~
♥ 11:51 PM Wednesday, March 05, 2008
I just refined my list today, about the chances of being on the team. OMG. I just realized that my position is unstable. I'm scared & worried. This is major for me. I have to get on, i mean i have to , I can’t bear it to not see my name on it. Sadly, my chances were poor. Just border line, I would be lucky if I could get in.
Will i be good enough? Will i improve? Is there a red option? Please help me if i don't get in, i will break down. I need all the prayers i can have, and all the blessing that you gave, please por it down on me, shower me with all your blessings, show me how to love like you have loved me, break my heart for what break yours, everything i am for your kingdom cause,...as i walk into eternity. I can't do anything, all i can is train and improve myself without a target, without an aim. Pointless it is.
I can’t even lift my head to look at you in the eye, I can’t even have the thought of looking at you. You’re perfect; you shine like the brightness that I can never describe. I can only look at my feet, when I talk to you, hide my face when I listen to you. Because there’s nothing right about me & everything wrong about me, yet you gave me your love and your blessing without regrets. That is amazing, the feeling, the comfort, the peacefulness in my heart, there’s no words that could match it. Its just the way it is. I can't even look or listen when you open the book that has my name on it, with my actions and my words and my thoughts recorded percisely. Please clean me now, i can't live another life like this. It's so horribly to look again or even glancing it makes my heart break. It'll probably break your heart. I'm sorry. I'm a sinner, i was born to be like that, but i know i'll be save by your grace, your love. Words cannot describe you, you're you, the one and only true God.
~falling deep down into the well~ |
|
♥ 8:29 PM Monday, March 03, 2008
I'm too sleepy. I need to sleep so badly. I haven't finish my work yet. I haven't finish my studying. But i still have to attend a party. And i have nothing to wear. How can i chill when there's so much stuff going on my mind? How do i sort it out? Please help me! I'm desperate, I'm exhausted, I'm naive
~let it rain on me~ |
|
♥ 12:46 PM Sunday, March 02, 2008

Turn ON-Turn OFF-Don't Care
Is taller than you: defiiinately.
shorter than you: O.F.F.
Wears braces:doesn't matter. you don't weat it forever, it'll eventually come off and you'll have a beauuutiful set of white teeth!
Has blue eyes: nice to drown in but doesn't really matter
Drinks alcohol too much:EWWW~not too much, once in a while but not drunk & stuff
Smokes: FRIGGIN EFF OFF :) is more like it ^^
Plays sports:ON but no is ok too
Dorky: cute XD ahah
Smiles a lot: ON...love it
Calls you just to say Hi:sweet, but don't overdo it
Compliments you:unlees it's honestly from your heart orless it's a OFF
Good dancer:don't care, cause i don't know how to dance
Smiles when you walk in the room:absolutely
Has brown hair:DC
Has Black hair:DC
Has blonde hair:DC
Makeup:OFF, i don't even wear make-up
Loyal:ON [loyal doesnt mean clingy]
Plays guitar:nice!
Plays drums:sexy
Sing:cool
Has a tattoo:off
Has a lip ring:off
Has tongue ring:off
Honest and open:duhh!
Goes to church:perfect!
~where are you?~
♥ 9:25 PM Saturday, March 01, 2008