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MAYBE IT'S TIME
TO LET YOUR WALLS DOWN
& LET LOVE SHINE
just for you

LOVE it, HATE it, It's all yours.

mistakes you knew,
i've made a few

~it's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance; it's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance; it'sthe mind afraid of losing never learns to give; it's the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.

~i just can't see things working out the way i planned them in my head. so forget it, i'm running.

~sometimes you have to break the rules and stand apart ignore your head and follow your heart.

~acknowledge me or lose me forever.

~what we do doesn't define who we are, what defines us is how we rise after falling down.

~don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

~you're so unpredictable and i'm so typical. i tried to sell you a heart before you saw the world.

~sometimes i can't believe my eyes. i want to stare up and get lost in the city lights because i've had enough and this is the end and now i understand that a heart breaks, it does not bend

~how are we expected to live in a real world when more than hald of the people living in it are fake?

~ dreams are the only place to where everything seems to be perfect, nothing is out of reach and everything you want, you have

~things happened for a reason, tears eventually fade and one day everything will be exactly how its supposed to be; moving on is a process, you have to promise yourself you're really ready to let go.

~ im thinking its a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they perfectly alligned.

~guard your honor, let your reputation fall where it will and outlive the bastards.

~there are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

~liars can't tell lies apart because they believe that everyone is always lying, just like them. they never trust in others.

~when you are in love, you can't fell asleep because reality is better than your dreams.

~some people come into our lives and dissappear; while others stay for a while, make footprints and we'll never be the same again.

~it's not love that hurts.it's the infatuation with what we so blindly accept as love that hurts.true love should never have to hurt.

~sometimes it's easier to day i don't care than to explain all the reasons you do.

~maybe sometimes it's a good thing to stumble. because there's a better way to stand. maybe sometimes we cry. because laughter cannot hide the worst.

~fake a smile like nothing is wrong. talk like everything is perfect. act like it's all a dream. pretend none of this is hurting. just so maybe i'll actually start to believe the lies in between.

~you'll never know untill you try. you'll never try until it's too late.

~someone will always catch you when you fall. and it won't always be who you thought it would. the people you think love you most might watch you fall, wait, and then congratulate you when you find your own way back up. this doesn't mean they love you less. they just know that you're stronger than you give yourself credit for.

~i'd give it all, everything and anything, but i wouldn't give up just like that.

~the best you can do is do the right thing. the second best you can do is the wrong thing. and the worst you can do is nothing.

~fight for the things you love, love the things you're fighting for.

~i'm not the person i use to be, i admit, a lot of shit got to me.

~in my heart if someone tells me i can't do something, i'm gonna do it just to prove i can.

~be the best you can be, and the worst without being get caught.

~when you get to the end of the rope, tie a knot and hang on.

~it's too late to walk away, because i've already stumble. and i'll keep falling, until i hit the ground-again.

~don't give up when you still wanna try. don't wipe your tears when you still wanna cry. don't stop asking questions if you still wanna know.

~the simplest things we tend to ignore are the simplest thing that matters so much more.

~only tears know how to remind us, we all break the same.

~i want to make a decision, but i forgotten how to chose.

~and here i go again. thinking about what i. could have done. would have done. should have done.

~living up to the expectations without cracking the pressure.

~how many times are you going to let someone say they'll never do it again before you realise they will.

~i've built a wall. not to block anyone out. but to see who loves me enough to climb over it.

~too often, the things you want are the thing you don't have. desire leaves us heartbroken and wears us out. but as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are the people who don't know what they want.

~it's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you ever wanted.

~under my feeling. under my skin. under the thoughts from within. learning the subtext of the mind.

~find grace in in mistakes

~with love and grief in mind, not yet ready to give all in and crumble.

~when something unexpected comes, just pick it up and run.

~you closed you eyes. that's the difference. you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. it you're ever going to have other people to trust you, you must feel that you can trust them too. even when in the dark. even when you're falling.

~did i make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

~simple dreams are the most painful because they seem so reasonable, so personal, so attainable. always close enough to touch but never close enough to hold.

~when you can lean on no one else, you'll find yourself.

~if you want what you've never had, you have to do what you've never done before.

~it's one thing to understand, but another to accept.

~staring up at the stars at night. i'm satisfied to know although we're million miles away, we sleep under the same sky.

~two stars blinking in the vast blue sky, shining and making signals, seem so close yet so far.

~sometimes you just have to run, and never turn back until you've reach where you want to be.

~just because you deserve it, doesn't mean they're gonna give it to you, you have to fight for it.

~if you don't understand silence, you don't deserve words.

~don't be so quick to judge, i only chose what to show.

~one of the hardest moments in life is deciding whether to give up or to try harder.

~when you have everything you ever wanted, that's when you have somthing to lose.

~you really shouldn't say i love you unless you mean it. but if you mean it, you should say it a lot. people forget.

~what done is done, i can't change time. but i'll be damned if i'm not gonna try.

~the trouble is, if you don'to risk, you risk even more.

~you have to learn to push through your fatigue even when you're tired.

~there's a reason why you're gone this far, just be yourself.

~somethings are meant to be broken, imperfect, chaotic. it's just the way the universe provides contrast.

~screw it. or love it.

~we spend time telling ourselves that everything happens for a reason. when in reality we give reasons for everything that happens.

~something simple as words can have such a strong affect on feelings.

~never say sorry for saying what you feel. that's like apologizing for being real.

~sometimes you don't know you've crossed a line until you're already on the other side.

~eyes are the doorways to heart, where all the love resides.

~if you love someone, you would be willing to give up everything you have. but if they love you back, they'd never ask you to.

~torn between a world of hates and a world of dreams. so much to lose, so much to gain, so much to fight for, so much to change.

~optimism means expecting the best, confidence means handling the worst.

~i took a chance, took a shot. you might think i'm bullet proof, but i'm not.

~if you believe it's in my soul. i'd say all the words that i know. just to see if it would show. that i'm trying to let you know.

~and then i remember to relax and stop holding on to it. everything then flows through me like rain and i can't feel gratitude for every single moment of a stupid life.

~sometimes to move forward, you have to look back.

~the more you care the more you lose.

~broken into pieces but no one can see it. you won't believe, i have nothing left to lose.

~behind my smile is a hurting heart. behind a laughter i'm falling apart. who you see isn't who i really am.

~capture my feelings in a box. make it glass so the world can see. seal it up. do not touch. the vulnerability i behold is beyong my control.

~when life offers a dream so far beyond expectations, it's not resonable to grieve when it comes to an end.

~you bite your tongue and pretend that you're made of stone. you never let it show, but honey, everybody knows.

~give up what you can't keep to gain what you can't lose.

~if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

~dance to no music, love without fear.

~love does things for reasons that reasons cannot understand.

~if it is true love, fight as hell for it because it's worth it.

~seduction is destruction, love is a function, sex is a succession. put your powers to seduce the showstoppers and make them the jawdroppers, gear into love without being a disfunctional relationship, and get down dirty if you reach the right level of feeling cause sex is no reduction even in this recession.

~there is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness.

~don't worry about not falling in love, in fairytales, they fall in love in the last page.

~almost lovers always brings heartahce.

~if you don't go after what you want you'll never have it. But sometimes, what you want is not what you need, and what you need may not be what you want.


knock yourself out.

February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
September 2010
October 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011

thank you.




I'm so sorry. You're irresistable. You're everything i've ever wanted. You're all that i want. I'm seriously falling in love, i think. Or at least, i'm standing on my tippy toes on the edge of the cliff of love. I can crash and burn any moment with just a little push.


Who knows where i'm gonna land, maybe in your arms? Maybe, i'll just keep on falling. Through darkness, through the core of the earth, into the blackholes, and never see the light again until someone comes and rescue me.


I can't help it but go onto msn on the weekend. Because i know you'll be there, online, flashing green. And every single time, i have to ask myself, should i talk to you? Do i look like i'm desperate? I don't know, what to do. Or i'll just sit there and wait, stalling time, waiting for you to have a conversation with me. I don't know what's gotten into me. Falling in love with my best guy friend, what if it doesn't work out? Will we still be friends? Best friends? Forever? But what are the possibilities we could ever be together? I don't have time for all this bullshit, but i love you. I want you. I want you.


Do you get me?
Yea, i want you.
No, do you get me?
Yea, i want you.
No, i meant do you get what i just said?
Yea i do.


I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU TOO.
not.
jk.
i still don't understand why i added the 'not'. clearly. i'm head over heels over you. fuck me. i let my pride got in my way. i hate it. i hate the fact that i'm madly in love with you. and there's also this tiny little possibility that my best girl friend is also in love with you. there's this complicated unexplainable relatinoship between me and my best friends. so much for confessions.


~again, please continue to love me~


10:45 PM Sunday, March 29, 2009


confused

Tell me.
Tell me once more.
Tell me once more how to feel again.

You will never know, how i feel deep inside for you. I hope you feel the same, but in reality, i couldn't tell. I'm so confused. Why make it so complicated? Why bother developing a relationship that's never gonna happen? Why hope so much and feel depressed? But i just can't take my mind of you, i can't. I tried.

I'm falling, worst. The moment i admit it, i knew i was in. I knew i was falling outta control. Too bad, i'm too oblivious and too scared to set my heart free. Istill keep my heart, holding it back from where it's suppose to be. I just can't. This love or infatuation or lust or relationship or frienship is too much to handle. I just hope you won't give up.

Please, i'm begging you please, don't give up on me.

I'm sorry if i don't get the obvious, just tell me straight in the eye. You'll be surprised by how i handle the truth.

~pulling my heart back~


8:27 PM Monday, March 23, 2009


confused

I need to lie on the ground for a while.
Close to gravity, so i cannot fall down.
...
Like they say, when you hit rock bottom,
you can't get any lower.

My heart is wondering around. People are eying me, questioning me, asking me questions that i have no answers to. Actually, i do have all the answers, it's just i'm not ready to admit the truth yet. Because i'm scared, i'm scared to let my heart love freely like i used to. There was once a boy, who captured a girl's heart, and threw it recklously around, broke it into millions of pieces. Right now, she's trying real hard to fix it, but she's afraid, to give it to anyone else. Even though they best qualified. Please forgive me, if i didn't give you my heart. Just be patient, if you think i'm worth it. I know you will understand, and help me. Thank you, for everything. Most of all, for always putting a smile on my face. Lemme tell you something, it's very hard for me to smile.

Thank you.
for the countless times.


I'm scared to love you.
Will you still love me back?
~do i have a choice?~


11:12 PM Wednesday, March 18, 2009


feeling stupid

Looks can be so decieving. It's like people put on a mask everyday just so they can live up to the image of it, or the stereotype, or what their friends expect them to. It seems so much more confusing than it should be. People, including me, take up the pressure of the world just to live up to the expectations society placed on, living the name you're given, not walking out the path you're suppose to.

So really.
What are we all doing? Walking towards the road of hell, wasting out time doing nothing valuable. When we die, everything's gonna be taken away. Money, welath, power will be stripped away from us, we carry nothing, nothing but our own self to the judgement table. With our heads bowed down, not a word worthy to argue. We know our sins, our faults, yet we still repeat them like a bunch of ruthless idiots. I guess, we really are idiotic whether we admit them or not.

This is what i really want. I want to serve God, listen and obey his commands. I want to serve him, He is my only Lord, My only savior, the only God that i will work for. He's almighty, he's amazing, most of all, he is love. I want to serve him. I want him to make me his servant, i want God to give me the strength to persue his plans, and be obedient and listen to him. I want wisdom, i want to know how to talk, i want to know his rules, i want to save people's life. I want him to use me, I want to make it worth. Yes, i want to make it worthwhile. Actually, i think he gave me strength, it's just i don't have enought faith in him to make it happen. I think i'm actually holding myself back, and blaming it on other people like my parents and financially.

Honestly, i do have a small faith. I pray that i have a bigger faith.
I will only serve you, use me, Lord, use me, make me a blessing to others.

~make it worth~


1:17 AM Sunday, March 15, 2009


i'm sorry


I have no idea why the fuck am i so complex?
I'm complex beyond comprehension.
I say things i don't mean it.
I say things that are completely opposite of what i feel.
WHY? WHY?


This ain't a game anymore. I learned my lesson. I thought i did. Apparently i did not. I don't know what to do. I just want to see you everyday, and talked to you. After that first time i actually admitted orally, and said that i kinda like you. I knew i was falling, falling out of control. Falling in love with you.


OH. How much i wish you understand me. The complexity of my mind, and the way i express myself. I just hope you can see the light in my eyes when i look at you, i just wish, you know i really really like you. But no matter what, i still can't see anything happenning. What more could it be? What more can i ask for? I just want us to be really really good friends.


"I'm hitting on you."
"haha, you do that to everyone though."
"No i don't. "
"Yes you do"


"I want to kill you."
"..."
" I want you do die in my arms."
*silence*
"... eww"


Honestly, i would never ever say eww. I would love to die in your arms, if you're able to kill me.


~if only you knew~

Just a story:
There was once a girl and a boy. The girl met the boy earlier, but they never actually developed any relationship or whatsoever, neither did they exchange conversations. As times goes on, a summer pass by, a new beginning. They have classes together. They started to chat together, they clicked instantly. The guy was clearly hitting on her. The girl knew it but she's just playing cool. They had some heart to heart chats, some walks home during the night, the evenings, hugs exchange, fights, glances. They're always flirting in class, even the teacher knows, and tells the boy to keep his hands of the girl. One day, they broke into their first fight ever. The guy tried to play the silent treatment, who knew, the girl herself was a master in this game. Thinking that both parties will not give in, how can this work. The next day, during break, they exchange glances, but not a word. Both the boy and the girl, stared into each other's eyes. The bell rang, the gave each other one last look, without a word, they left it where it is. When lunch came, they knew this cold war couldn't last long. The boy said hi, the girl immediately started to apologize, then the guy followed. Apologies were accepted, and both were happy again. Unfortunately, the boy didn't say goodbye, maybe it's too hurtful, or maybe she was just another game for him. Hopefully now. Because it'll tear her apart.


12:06 AM Saturday, March 14, 2009


may i


Looking out at the window. The waves crashes against the shore countinously, sea gulls flying low back and forth. I'm thinking about you, always have, always will. You asked me, if i wanted to go. You don't know how i feel, it's like a burst of energy screaming YES inside my head, but i manage to hold it back and gave you a 'idontknow'. Funny how things work.

I sometimes wish you can just see right through me and tell me everything. Sometimes, i can stare at you and get lost. You always make me laugh. I cannot reject you, i will never. Even when i do, i don't mean it.

I think.
I think i'm falling in love.
And i'm scared.
I'm holding myself back from giving my all to you
I still don't know, if this is suppose to happen.
I gotta keep my heart still.
No matter what.
No matter what.

~are you worth it?~


8:57 PM Saturday, March 07, 2009