So. I woke up today, not feeling any sopecial. I mean, I use to understand what this was all about. But right now, today, this morning, I just didn't feel the gist of it. Whether it's a good thing or not, i'll leave it aside. It ain't important.
I wasn't expecting much, since, I know. Everything (well not everything), but all i ever wanted right now was him. HIM. How hard could it be? Is it really impossible? The asnwer is yes. It is hard, it is impossible if the person doesn't even know how much he means to you. There's so many people out there, billions of souls searching and wondering, yet all i want now, is just that one soul. HIM.
I'm not desperate, okay, maybe I am. But it doesn't matter, I know what I want. And it sucks to believe that it's never going to happen. This is the first time in me losing hope, losing everything I'd ever believe. I don't think I can comprehend much, Right now, i'm just surviving the bear of it. This ain't much, this is totally unexpected.
Yes I admit, I took you for granted. But I, NOTHING. There's no buts. This is all my fault and I know it. I had my chance, and I blew it. I just wish I had the guts to say. Say what? SAY EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. Really? I mean what's there I gotta lose? Honestly, nothing. I have nothing, how can i lose nothing? Sorry, life doesn't go anymore negative than that. I need to believe in hope, that there's love between us, that sharing my faith the way.
I Love you. I love the way you make me smile. I love the way you touch ome. I love the way you flirt. I love you. You're engaging, entertaining, never boring. I love how cheerful you are, I love you when you're tired. I love the way you pretend to sleep. I love you. Your hair, your fair skin, I love your opennes, I love how you'd stand up for yourself, I love how you can think of a pun on top of your head. I love you. Don't ask me why, I can go on forever. Is this real???
Love. I have no idea what it means, But I WANT you.
Maybe, for now. I JUST WANT YOU, not LOVE YOU.
I'm not your angel, I'm never gonna be, but i hope you love the real me.
To me, love is everything. Love keeps us going, Love comforst us in the worst of times. Love grows in time, and nothing can hide it. with love, you're invincible. Love can do miraculous things, like change a person, cahnge a habbit, make time fly by, make your day a little better. Just hanging out with your beloved is everything you could ever ask for. Love, Love, Love. I thought if this was true love, you'll come back to me. I want you to be my first. But at the same time I feel so stupid, that you would give up on me. Please don't. At least we're still friends? I guess, this is my chance. To change you, to bring you to church. Please, forgive me. Please, give me another chance. Please believe me, I love you. I want you to know God. Please, I have a gut feeling you're the one. You're my mission. My first ever true mission. I mean I figured, I've lost you once, I couldn't possibly lose you again, right? I mean, losing you the second time would hurt, but i'd probably got numb to it. So I HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE!
YOU"RE MY MISSION. PLEase, GOd, Lord, touch him. He's my bday wish. I'm crying Lord, to save him, and change him, make him love you. Because without God, This love isn't going anywhere. Please, God is love. Without God in our relationship, this is never going to work. I'm not afraid if he compares me with other girl. I know I'm not like her, or any other people. I'm going to prove to him, this is all I am. This is what I'm made of. This is who I am. This is what I believe. And this is what i'm going to give back. I love you, that's why i need you to know the truth, about God, about me, about LOVE. MUAKS.
ps: i'm sorry i' mhead over heels for you. But i would like you to be my best friend, i want to take you for granted. I guess i've already asked your permission, and you said yes? But HOW could i? When I know, I shouldn't, well. NOT YET.