

They're ok. Not perfect. But acceptable. Even my mom knows that i'm desperate for shorts. But the point is, i'm not the kind who always show skin in school. Sometimes i feel violated when people stare at your legs, not that i have perfect legs but i do get those stares which always raise my self-conscious. That's why i don't even know if i will ended up wearing it for school or outing. But definately for running. LOL. or maybe my camping pajamas. That would be cool.
Yea, that's what i do in my free time. Fantasizing. Dreaming.
~never satisfied nor contempt~
Can i blame you?
No I CAN'T.
Why?
Because you're my parents.
It's like everytime you see something is wrong, my face just pops into your head, you immediately assume it's me. I'm tired of defending myself, so i just let you assume all you want, label me, define me however you like. Sometimes, you're right, sometimes you're wrong, i refuse to speak, or to tell you how i feel. I'm so numb, that i don't even have feelings in this family anymore, well, at least not on the surface. I take you guys for granted. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I take you for granted because you're my family, you'll always be there for me, if i can't take you for granted, who can i lean on? strangers and random people that i met. Maybe i was a little overboard, but still. Fine, not buts.
I'll just shut up right now, it doesn't make any sense for me to keep on rambling on and on. Close my eyes, squeez out the last drop of tears and make my heart stronger and harder, just like a shiny metal that will soon turn dul when exposed to oxygen. I'm bottling everything up, have been doing it for years, it doesn't make a difference. I can't even see through the muddy water anyway, can't make it clear what i was grumpy about, i may hold grudges, but it'll eventually settle to the bottom of my heart and left forsaken and forgotten, everything will soon past.
Time will tell. Things will change.
~when you call my name, it's always something i hate~

Making my way downtown, walking fast, faces past, blending in the crowd. Trying to keep my head up high, trying to keep my head down low, just trying to blend in, is extremely hard. My eyes are stinging, droplets of tears started to form on the corner of my eyes. I looked up to the sky, preventing the tears from rolling down my cheeks, sucking in all the bullshit from my nose, made a loud sneeze, i can't take it anymore. Tears gushing down my cheek, i let out a groan, mumble all my secrets to people on the streets, people staring at me, dare not day a word, or give me a comment. I can't help it, i need to let it all out.I was desperate for shopping to get all these stuff and get ready for summer, or at least look good in the summer. I want it so badly, the weather and the heat is killing me inside. I need ice lemon tea! I need fresh squeezed lemonade! I need ice-cream! I need something that is cooling.
Glad that you forgave me. I know i have a temper, and i don't know how to control it. Emotional coaster ride, ups and down. I have it so often right now, loops and immediate turnings, breaks and sudden stops. It's all coming together, fomring an uncontrollable roller coaster ride that would scare everyone around me and freak everybody out! Yeah!
~let me cool down~
You are always there. I can always expect your presence and take you for granted, but today. When i stepped into the room, you were't there. There was a sub! You never take a leave without telling anyone, you're never sick, even if you are, you'll still come. Something must have happenned, i'm guessing it's your health. But wierdly, i can sence your presence around the room. And i was right, you were there this morning, HA! I heard the story but i want it to come out from your mouth. I hope to see you later and know the true story of what happenned. I didn't know i need to see you everyday untill today. So many people came into your room, walking out with a dissapointed face, a long face with a sorrow smile. See how much your impact is?
OMG. I walked to the classroom. The door was closed. Right then, i peeked in. I saw a guy sitting on the black comfy working chair. Where are you? Is everything ok? I'm worried about you. At least some notice! I'm deciding wether or not to write an e-mail to you, but then i asked someone and they say you're gonna be back tomorrow. So, i'll see ya tomorrow. I really want to know what happenned. Seriously.
~undecied~


Just felt like these pictures. Suddenly felt love, suddenly felt crushed. But i don't believe that love doesn't have happy ending, i believe love is always good if it comes from the pure heart. Relationships, when i see someone together. I think about you, what about us? But then, i remind myself that i wouldn't awake love until the time is right. When it's the right moment, it'll come to me. It's a promise. I just have to be patient for the perfect one.

| 1.What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling them how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel? telling someone how i feel 2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? I'm afraid i get mad everyday, for random reasons, and i cool down immediately and forget about everything that just happenned. 3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? I wouldn't waste my time phoning 'people' who puts me on a waiting list and it would take forever for them to rescue me, by then, it's probably too late. I would concentrate, focus and make a prayer. 4. You are at the doctor's office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid? I'm going to die right now! shhh...i won't tell anyone, or else they will treat me differently. I will make my days worth, and pray, pray and pray, that i will die peacefully. 5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love or Trust? Definately LOVE, because love includes everything, everything needs love. 6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not? Actually, i'm not sure... 7. You are unfaithful to your spouse/significant other. Do you tell him/her? Why or Why not? Let's just say i tried my best to love my spouse, but people make mistakes, i make mistakes. I would definately tell him. If i managed to tell him, he should be able to forgive me, at least i didn't lie to him. In which case, i could techinically keep it a lie, i've been lying my whole life, but if i really love him, i refuse to do so. Truth overules. 8. Your best friend of the opposite sex confesses that he/she has feelings for you more then just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you do/say? Depends how i feel about him. 9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not? This is a ridiculous question. 10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? I hope so. 11. Does love = sex? DEFINATELY NOT !! 12. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person? Not long ago. It was that special someone, what i told her is a secret. 13. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a friend, you love them or that you do not love them back? Nothing. My friends and i have no secrets. We know what we hate, we know what we love. 14. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose? I wouldn't choose to give up, i can only be forced to give up. 15. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them? Who were they to you? My friends 16. Imagine. it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you? MJ 17. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not? Definately, but people usually don't let me do it. Oh, and i would pray for them too. 18. You are holding onto your grandmothers hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? I would pray waiting for a miracle to come, because i believe. 19. Are you old fashioned? Somewhat. 20. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it? Always do. 21. Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Love always have it's unique happy ending, it's the time that kills. 22. If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be? To make my life worth ~random~ |

I stare at you, trying to figure out what's between us. You returned my gaze and told me to stop starring at you. I denied and lied that i wasn't starring at you. Who knows, what you were thinking, who knows what i was thinking. Even though we're a good meter apart, i think you can sense that i was trying to send you a message. But i'm not clear of actually what i was going to say to you, i just felt like starring at you. I might be trying to figure out what's on your mind, but it doesn't matter anyways.