Paint the blues and froze her, she's got nothing to lose. I don't have a heart anymore. Even if i do, i threw it far far away. It sinked to the bottom of the ocean, somewhere sometime, sinking and sinking. I thought i have it with me, right here by my left, but i was just dreaming, imagining, making up fantasies, lies. I live with my own lies, i'm blinded by my thoughts. No love to give, no space to recieve. I blocked out all the love i recieved, turn them into lies, broke your heart. I'm sorry. I can't find my heart on my own, i need you, to bring my heart back, please, please. Or else. I'll be so, ever so empty. EMPTY.
I can see through your eyes, what you're thinking. But i tried, so hard, to feel the sparkle. I feel nothing, not even moved by your presense. Maybe, you're just that much. I tried to give you something, but i jsut can't. Don't take what i said before into seriousness, i was just fooling around. I was high. Forgive and forget me. Or treat me like any other friend. Please, or else i'll try to run away from you, because i don't want to turn you down. I really don't. That's why i have to run away from you. Please, don't love me, but love me, as a friend, a best friend.
Am i really that ... ? I've always thought i know how to budget, always. You always buy me stuff, then force it to wear them. I don't even have a choice. I have to fake a smile and wear them. Now, i have the choice. And you critisize every single one i made, why? I learn from my mistakes. You want answers, but i just don't feel like telling you. Why? because it wouldn't make a difference, you would think i'm just making stuff up to please you, just so i can escape from the blame. Thanks a lot, i'm crushed. I can virtually feel the pain, pierced right through the heart. I swear, only the ones i love can hurt me this easily and this hard, and you're one of them unexpectedly.
There's lots of stuff i want. And there's some stuff i need. But you just doesn't see it that way. I thought you would know me better, but no. My coach knows me better than you do! I can't believe this. See how this is going to end? Your restrictions and rules are tying me down so much, i can't wait to get free. Even if it means to be lost in this world. I can't wait, to get out of here. Seriously, i want to go away. Far far away. But somehow, there's this feeling, that no matter what i do, you're going to be there, and nothing's gonna change. Why'd you have to tie me down that much? WHY? Can't you just trust me?
You don't know my life, you honestly don't. But i don't expect you to, i don't even expect you to budge in and control it. I know my choice. Just pray for me, pray. You can do nothing, just continue to pray, bless me. If loving is what you're doing now, i really beg you to not love me. I can't believe i even feel this way, begging not to be love.
Forget what i said, forget what i did. Let's start over.
ps: for real. it hurts, A WHOLE LOT.
~critizied in every way~