
It has been so long since i ran. Although i said i've been running, it doesn't make any difference. i was not a bit faster, nor a bit slower than i used to. I really don't know why i'm running. Running without a goal, nor a hint of interest, or love in running. I just like running so i can have thoughts on my mind. Daze out in the middle of the day, sweating.
I feel so bad. Just because i can' t keep up with her. I lost my motivation. I can't run anymore. This is sad. I'm depressed over running. I did tried my best, but it's just hard to keep up. My arms cannot pump forward anymore, it's so hard to press on to the goal, and win the prize ahead. I'm so out of shape. Things are chaning. I don't know if i'll like it or not. But i'm scared i'll lose a side of me.
We sat there in silence. I actually feel comfortable with the silence. It's just seems like we don't have to say anything, well. I just felt like nothing could be said to make it better. Actualyl that was a lie, words Do play a major part. Sometimes, words are the last thing you hear from someone who's dying. Words, expressing what we mean.
I really lost the point in running. I may love some other sport, but running. It's just too repetitive and nothing is interesting. You see the same people again and again, moving your legs faster and faster, pumping your arms from side to side. I can't find anything, ANYTHING, maybe i've just lost everything.
My heart is like a rock. After all those years of pressure, it became hard, solid, and cold. Nothing can move it. The pressure has to be extremely high in order to melt it away. Besides, it's pointlessly pumping away. I need a plan. I need someone to tell me what to do. I don't want to live a life like this. It ain't glorify or anything. I can't lost it this way. This is a battle, that i know, i have to fight till the end, no matter what the circumstances are, no matter what lies ahead. I have to Push myself to the limits, pray for the wisdom and guidance. I can't do it alone. I can't.
~back to myoldseld again~
Second run, Second day:
I need to run. After all my schoolwork, i gave myself a break. Yea, my break is running. I put on my shorts, grab a T-shirt and a cap, fill up my bottle. Off i go. It's a little late for running. But who cares, the sun is still out. I didn't wear my contacts. So, by chance if i bump into anyone, i wouldn't know who they are. Basically, i'm going out for a blind run.
I did my warm-up. And i was already tired. Trying to figure out how many laps i should do. I'm so unmotivated. I decided on 6 laps. It used to be fairly okay for me. But today, it seemed ... [you can fill in the blanks]. I'm just holding on that i finished the run. I was running and counting down the laps, can't wait for it to be over. By the way, i time myself to. Well, not exactly timing, just know how i'm doing with an analog clock. I guess that' better. So i don't get upset of my timing, or make a big deal out of it.
I'm done. My time for 6 laps.
Less than 15 minutes.
More than 10 minutes.
My guess is 12 minutes.
I hope i'm less than 12 minutes. Or else i have to get back in shape. Surprisingly, i was really sweaty after the run. Like, sweaty sweaty - unusually sweaty. I took a bath and started studying. While i was running, i can't wait for it to be over. But now, i'm glad i did it.
~keep your head high and keep on going~
Thrid run, Third day:
I draw myself together. Stop procastinating and started to make my way to practice. People were there. This guy walked up to me and told me to tell the coach that he did came and he want to go for a run now. I said okay, what else could i say? Although i advised him to wait a little longer because the coach is going to come, eventually. I tried but he aint' listening.
I was just walking, and then the coach came. Gladly, i made my way to the guys and told them the coach is here. They were like 'really?'. WOW. Why would i lie about some stupid thing? Do i really look like a liar? Anyways, the coach made them stay and made them run. That's how the coach roles.
We ran. It was okay. I was unexpectedly slower than i thought. Or maybe i just didn't feel good. Everyone was like. You have a frown on your face. Hello? I'm wearing a hat, if i have a frown on my face, i must be really zoned out. There must be like a cloud above me, with big fat raindrops falling on me. Everyone knows i have a sad face on. I'm worned out, by everything. I need to set my priorities right. Get'em straight.
Honestly, running haven't been that hard for me. It never kicked me in the face. Today, it did. And it wasn't even an extremely-kill-youself-practice. It was just a casual one. Nothing special, just plain old running. Seriously, i think i've changed. Physically, and mentally. Something's going on. I wonder, does running makes you shorter? You know where i'm going, i'm not gonna explain more. It's just. I don't know whether i want it to happen or not. You know, things change. Maybe into the way i want it, but i doubt it would. It always go the opposite way. Anyhow, I need prayers. I need to put everything into his hands. Now, i have to hand it all over. It's either all or nothing, gain or lose it.
~it's all or nothing~