
It was awkward between us. Is it just me? Or our friendship is changing, into a direction i couldn't understand. I just found out that i've always been living in my own fantasy. I can never step into your mind and know what you're thinking, i'm sorry. I'll try, but i'll doubt it'll be successful. Is it stereotype? I though you're the least that would fall into, i guess everything changes when it comes to religion.
Well, my God is the one and only real God. And i really want you to have this opportnity to come and know him. Besides, i just have the urge to make you come. I'm sorry if i've said words that harmed you. It's not my intention, but i haven't learn how to phrase things to make it pretty.
I thought we came up with a plan. And i'm very excited about it, you don't know how much this means to me, to be able to have you there, together learning about him. What can i say? Does that mean we're not meant to be? This is so harsh, to accept the truth. This is so hard, to change the way your thoughts are formed. I can't do it by myself. I need your help, God's help, the only way that can make miracles happen.
I was so giddy up about everything before. And i just recieved an email about you rejecting the plan we thought would work. Haih. I'm a little dissapointed, i have nothing to come up with. I don't know what to say. It's al back to parents again. They made our decisions, we don't get to chose, we want to honour them, and do what are interest is at the same time. I still couldn't figure how we're able to comprehend.
I'm throughly sick of it. Yes, money problems. I just realised how much i was blessed. So much more, all the little details. I'm counting my blessings all the way. Thanks for everything, you're the one i need to say thank you to, for everything and anything and yet nothing. There's so much words and phrases are jumbled in my thoughts, and i'm afraid to blurt it out, because of morality and logic. This is driving me insane. My hope 'swings' up and down.
Maybe this is a good sign. I have to hand all my plans to God. I really can't plan anything. God, please make a way, if this isn't your way, let me try to let go of this. I don't know what to say. I also just recently know how much negativity about you is outthere, in the world and i was shield by all those comments. I never knew that before. It's like i was just born, or my parents protected me from the ugly world. But i've made my heart, to follow you right?
I really want to NO. I'M ABSOLUTELY FOLLOWING YOU.
PLEASE GUIDE ME THROUGH ROUGH TIME.
GIVE ME COMFORT AND REASSURANCE.
CONTINUE TO BLESS ME AND TELL ME YOUR WAY.
* i would honestly love to step into people's mind and wipe all their brain cells away that has a smudge or slight thoughts about doubting you're power or majestic. *
I just can't believe how can they think it that way, i'm glad it never occured to me.
Now i know how is it overwhelming.
It is the fact.
The miraculous fact.
The wonderful news.
Thanks for everything, please plan my future acts and speech.
~i'm powerless, you're in control, lead me~