LOVE it,
HATE it,
It's all yours.
~it's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance; it's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance; it'sthe mind afraid of losing never learns to give; it's the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.
~i just can't see things working out the way i planned them in my head. so forget it, i'm running.
~sometimes you have to break the rules and stand apart ignore your head and follow your heart.
~acknowledge me or lose me forever.
~what we do doesn't define who we are, what defines us is how we rise after falling down.
~don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
~you're so unpredictable and i'm so typical. i tried to sell you a heart before you saw the world.
~sometimes i can't believe my eyes. i want to stare up and get lost in the city lights because i've had enough and this is the end and now i understand that a heart breaks, it does not bend
~how are we expected to live in a real world when more than hald of the people living in it are fake?
~ dreams are the only place to where everything seems to be perfect, nothing is out of reach and everything you want, you have
~things happened for a reason, tears eventually fade and one day everything will be exactly how its supposed to be; moving on is a process, you have to promise yourself you're really ready to let go.
~ im thinking its a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they perfectly alligned.
~guard your honor, let your reputation fall where it will and outlive the bastards.
~there are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
~liars can't tell lies apart because they believe that everyone is always lying, just like them. they never trust in others.
~when you are in love, you can't fell asleep because reality is better than your dreams.
~some people come into our lives and dissappear; while others stay for a while, make footprints and we'll never be the same again.
~it's not love that hurts.it's the infatuation with what we so blindly accept as love that hurts.true love should never have to hurt.
~sometimes it's easier to day i don't care than to explain all the reasons you do.
~maybe sometimes it's a good thing to stumble. because there's a better way to stand. maybe sometimes we cry. because laughter cannot hide the worst.
~fake a smile like nothing is wrong. talk like everything is perfect. act like it's all a dream. pretend none of this is hurting. just so maybe i'll actually start to believe the lies in between.
~you'll never know untill you try. you'll never try until it's too late.
~someone will always catch you when you fall. and it won't always be who you thought it would. the people you think love you most might watch you fall, wait, and then congratulate you when you find your own way back up. this doesn't mean they love you less. they just know that you're stronger than you give yourself credit for.
~i'd give it all, everything and anything, but i wouldn't give up just like that.
~the best you can do is do the right thing. the second best you can do is the wrong thing. and the worst you can do is nothing.
~fight for the things you love, love the things you're fighting for.
~i'm not the person i use to be, i admit, a lot of shit got to me.
~in my heart if someone tells me i can't do something, i'm gonna do it just to prove i can.
~be the best you can be, and the worst without being get caught.
~when you get to the end of the rope, tie a knot and hang on.
~it's too late to walk away, because i've already stumble. and i'll keep falling, until i hit the ground-again.
~don't give up when you still wanna try. don't wipe your tears when you still wanna cry. don't stop asking questions if you still wanna know.
~the simplest things we tend to ignore are the simplest thing that matters so much more.
~only tears know how to remind us, we all break the same.
~i want to make a decision, but i forgotten how to chose.
~and here i go again. thinking about what i. could have done. would have done. should have done.
~living up to the expectations without cracking the pressure.
~how many times are you going to let someone say they'll never do it again before you realise they will.
~i've built a wall. not to block anyone out. but to see who loves me enough to climb over it.
~too often, the things you want are the thing you don't have. desire leaves us heartbroken and wears us out. but as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are the people who don't know what they want.
~it's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you ever wanted.
~under my feeling. under my skin. under the thoughts from within. learning the subtext of the mind.
~find grace in in mistakes
~with love and grief in mind, not yet ready to give all in and crumble.
~when something unexpected comes, just pick it up and run.
~you closed you eyes. that's the difference. you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. it you're ever going to have other people to trust you, you must feel that you can trust them too. even when in the dark. even when you're falling.
~did i make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?
~simple dreams are the most painful because they seem so reasonable, so personal, so attainable. always close enough to touch but never close enough to hold.
~when you can lean on no one else, you'll find yourself.
~if you want what you've never had, you have to do what you've never done before.
~it's one thing to understand, but another to accept.
~staring up at the stars at night. i'm satisfied to know although we're million miles away, we sleep under the same sky.
~two stars blinking in the vast blue sky, shining and making signals, seem so close yet so far.
~sometimes you just have to run, and never turn back until you've reach where you want to be.
~just because you deserve it, doesn't mean they're gonna give it to you, you have to fight for it.
~if you don't understand silence, you don't deserve words.
~don't be so quick to judge, i only chose what to show.
~one of the hardest moments in life is deciding whether to give up or to try harder.
~when you have everything you ever wanted, that's when you have somthing to lose.
~you really shouldn't say i love you unless you mean it. but if you mean it, you should say it a lot. people forget.
~what done is done, i can't change time. but i'll be damned if i'm not gonna try.
~the trouble is, if you don'to risk, you risk even more.
~you have to learn to push through your fatigue even when you're tired.
~there's a reason why you're gone this far, just be yourself.
~somethings are meant to be broken, imperfect, chaotic. it's just the way the universe provides contrast.
~screw it. or love it.
~we spend time telling ourselves that everything happens for a reason. when in reality we give reasons for everything that happens.
~something simple as words can have such a strong affect on feelings.
~never say sorry for saying what you feel. that's like apologizing for being real.
~sometimes you don't know you've crossed a line until you're already on the other side.
~eyes are the doorways to heart, where all the love resides.
~if you love someone, you would be willing to give up everything you have. but if they love you back, they'd never ask you to.
~torn between a world of hates and a world of dreams. so much to lose, so much to gain, so much to fight for, so much to change.
~optimism means expecting the best, confidence means handling the worst.
~i took a chance, took a shot. you might think i'm bullet proof, but i'm not.
~if you believe it's in my soul. i'd say all the words that i know. just to see if it would show. that i'm trying to let you know.
~and then i remember to relax and stop holding on to it. everything then flows through me like rain and i can't feel gratitude for every single moment of a stupid life.
~sometimes to move forward, you have to look back.
~the more you care the more you lose.
~broken into pieces but no one can see it. you won't believe, i have nothing left to lose.
~behind my smile is a hurting heart. behind a laughter i'm falling apart. who you see isn't who i really am.
~capture my feelings in a box. make it glass so the world can see. seal it up. do not touch. the vulnerability i behold is beyong my control.
~when life offers a dream so far beyond expectations, it's not resonable to grieve when it comes to an end.
~you bite your tongue and pretend that you're made of stone. you never let it show, but honey, everybody knows.
~give up what you can't keep to gain what you can't lose.
~if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.
~dance to no music, love without fear.
~love does things for reasons that reasons cannot understand.
~if it is true love, fight as hell for it because it's worth it.
~seduction is destruction, love is a function, sex is a succession. put your powers to seduce the showstoppers and make them the jawdroppers, gear into love without being a disfunctional relationship, and get down dirty if you reach the right level of feeling cause sex is no reduction even in this recession.
~there is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness.
~don't worry about not falling in love, in fairytales, they fall in love in the last page.
~almost lovers always brings heartahce.
~if you don't go after what you want you'll never have it. But sometimes, what you want is not what you need, and what you need may not be what you want.
I don't know how much longer i can take this anymore.
Actually, i do. The answer is not much longer.
This suppressing, being put down by my parents, whom are lovely by the way. I'm not saying that they are wrong. All i'm saying is, i don't give a damn to further explain myself anymore because i know that they won't understand me. They won't try to understand me, all they have been doing is forcing their laws & traditions down my throat. But i'm not like them, even though i'm made by them.
CAN"T THEY JUST SEE IT?! I"M NOTHING LIKE THEM.
or maybe that's my deepest fear, to be exactly like my parents.
I'm ashamed of myself, and i feel sorry for my parents for having to put up with me.
I need a way out now, yet i don't know how i'll survive without them.
♥ 7:49 PM Saturday, February 19, 2011
Call me a runner. I'm champion at running away from the truth. So many times throughout the years i've been constantly running away, avoid facing things, people. Funny how i never got tired from running away so much. Sometimes, it disgust me. Because i wish i have the strength to face the truth, or at least properly sit myself down and figure out how to get what i want. I'm almost sure, that i know what i want.
But what's worse, knowing what you want, but don't know how to get it?
Or knowing what you want, but losing hope in the possibilities of reaching your destination?
Either way, it's no fun.
I can't keep going on this way.
The truth has to be out now, you deserve that at least.
♥ 10:58 AM Saturday, January 29, 2011
Sitting in class, i got into the habit of waiting for your text. Not a good sign, when i should devote my concentrations to the lectures. Look what you've done to me. Thanks, no thanks.But i'm glad it's you though. : )
Maybe just one day i'll have the guts to just text you:
Just thinking about you.
♥ 9:16 PM Tuesday, January 25, 2011
1.Listen without interrupting. (Proverbs 18)
2.Speak without accusing. (James 1:19)
3.Give without sparing. (Proverbs 21:26)
4.Pray without ceasing. (Colossians 1:9)
5.Answer without arguing. (Proverbs 17:1)
6.Share without pretending. (Ephesians 4:15)
7.Enjoy without complaint. (Philippians 2:14)
8.Trust without wavering. (Corinthians 13:7)
9.Forgive without punishing. (Colossians 3:13)
10.Promise without forgetting. (Proverbs 13:12)
♥ 11:37 PM Thursday, January 06, 2011
waiting is a state of mind. basically, it means that you want the future, you don't want the present. you don't want what you've got, and you want what you haven't got.. with every kind of waiting, you unconsciously create inner conflict between your here and now, where you don't want to be, and the projected future, where you want to be. this greatly reduces the quality of your life by making you lose the present.
♥ 4:06 PM Wednesday, January 05, 2011
2010 was a great year. Time practically flew by! Graduated, got into college, tried to get myself on track. Grew closer to some people, see other people true colours. Realized that relationships don't just happen, you have to put in the effort in order for it to flourish. Dreamt alot, but none of them really happen. It was more so like building castles in air.
There were tons of moments that i can remember, and will be cherish for the rest of my life. Some lessons learned are unforgettable, and mistakes that cannot be erased. Things said that cannot be taken back, but from now, i'm movin' on. Looking forward. Forgive and Love.
2011. HERE I COME : D
Sadly, i think i need to live life with a sense of urgency.
Life in society these days doesn't hold such high values anymore.
This, will change.
♥ 3:51 PM Sunday, January 02, 2011
I’m really craving something like this . No sex or making out, nothing like that right now . But holding hands, not just holding hands but holding hands with someone you really care for . Laying down next to them, cuddling but something feels empty . Slipping your fingers into mine, I feel like I have the whole world in my hands at that moment . I feel like like if I let go everything would be different, it’s a simple gesture but it means a lot, it shows how much I want need you, I need you with me, “stay with me” don’t go anywhere .
♥ 11:21 PM Wednesday, December 15, 2010
I finally realized. Maybe, there is some purpose as of where i am right now.
Studying
Maybe, surviving these coming four years are for a vision even bigger. But how could I be sure? When i know that I can do something more effective right now? Aside from the fact thant i'm gutless to do anything by myself....I'm stuck in this cycle. And i really really can't take it anymore, I need to make choices for myself- for who i want to be, for God. But first, I gotta know what God wants me to do....And now, I just can't figure that out...
I don't know where i stand with you. Or what it is, somehow i'm afraid of the possibilities. i'm suppressing everything. I pretend like it's nothing, maybe it is, maybe it isn't. I have no idea, but as of right now, it all feels good to be blind for a moment. and not think.
I just wish,
I just wish,
You know how much my faith means to me.
It's not a religion, it's the Truth.
Maybe, it's really up to me.
Because i kinda like you.
♥ 11:50 PM Friday, October 29, 2010
I'm conflicted.
Life seems so meaningless right now, with no gurantees whatsoever.
Everything seems to be a well planned routine. Nobody goes against the norm, yet everybody follows it like no other. We start from preschool- where we learn how to share, then we move on to elementary school- where we express our thoughts & feelings openly, then high school- everything we anticipated, then university/college....and then graduate school. All this, just to get a sheet of paper that states your degree. So what? Really, what does it prove? It seems to have no value, it doesn't seem worthwhile, how long can a degree last? Maybe for the first few months to trick yourself into your dream job, or at least a job that could sustain your future.
So after all this hard work, there's more hard work. And this time, mistakes aren't allowed. It's like an endless pointless circle, going around and around, never ending. I really don't think life is all that, life is bigger than this. I want to do something that would last longer, something that is more worthy than these temporary 'stuff', yet somehow, i couldn't find a way to let go and just do it. WHY? If it really boils down to this, shouldn't it be easier to let go?
Somehow, i know, this will be a decision that i regret for the rest of my life.
And i'll never know who i can tell, or even justify myself the times that i've wasted my life away. Just like that.
♥ 11:54 PM Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Each relationship between two persons is absolutely unique. That is why you cannot love two people the same. It simply is not possible. You love each person differently because of who they are and the uniqueness they draw out of you. And the more you know another, the richer the colors of that relationship.
♥ 5:30 PM Tuesday, June 08, 2010
I was just chilling in the counselling suite, as usual. You were there, no big deal. Then, suddenly, the teachers shut the doors and ordered all of us to go to the back room and explained that this is
code red lock down, and most of all, this is not a drill. At first, i couldn't wrap my mind around this thing. Usually, there's need to be an intruder with either a gun or with danger that could harm us, then there will be a lockdown. So far, no information was known. Everybody, you and me and others locked ourselves in a room. Everybody then contemplated whether or not to turn off the lights. We were all sitting down, leaning against the walls. The teachers were joking that 'people might start making out.' Little did everybody know, i secretly wish we did.
Right then, the lights were turned off. You whispered in my ears, "hold me". But before that, I was going to already. I wanted to, trust me, badly. Then I slip my arm around your arm, and slowly we started whispering. We started talking about everything. It felt so comfortable to be beside you. Your voice against my ears, It was all going so well. Figuring things out, holding you without nobody watching. Knowing that what I did may be wrong, but considering the circumstance, I think it's acceptable. I love talking to you. Your voice made the whole lockdown so safe and comfortable. I have no idea why. Maybe, i still fancy you.
It was all going so well. Sitting close to you, whispering to each other. It was very comfortable, maybe a little too comfortable. And then suddenly, the lights were on. I feel explosed. Our arms immediately broke the connection, the conversation stopped. I pretended like the moment was gone, and you did that too. But secretly, i kept on replaying the moment again and again. I like it that we can still have deep conversations without being physical. I can't believe this lockdown just made my day. Thank you, though i was so close to telling you how i felt about you. Who knows? Maybe we all need another lockdown again ;) It's like
love lockdown.Question is, do i regret not telling you how I truly felt? Somewhat. Truth to be told, I'm not scared of confessing how I feel, but i'm scared of what you would reply.
♥ 11:46 PM Saturday, June 05, 2010
A.
When you use to look at me, i feel the spark in between. My heart always does a flip flop and my pupils dilate. But now, the fire died, which i never thought this day would come. For better or for worse, i still care about you. I wish you knew how i feel, maybe that will make a difference. Who knows if we were meant to be? I kinda lost hope along the way. I'm weak, I can't fight this battle alone. And i don't know who i'm fighting against, because somehow i know that if i want to, i'll always have something she doesn't have that i really want to share with you. If only you'll cut ties and open your heart again to me. It breaks my heart and is still unbelieveable that we're not meant to be, she doesn't make you smile and laugh like i do. You try so hard to be someone else for her, what for? When you yourself is good enough for me. I'm puzzled, should i love you now even though you changed? Or should i try to change you back? Or should i do nothing? Cause i'm clearly doing nothing on the sidelines, waiting and anticipating for the right moment, when you open your heart. Well, for all that matter, I miss you, terribly. I want to continue to know you better. I really miss you.
M.
You're looking kinda cute more and more. You have a great face shape, and you're such a nice guy. You know how to play the guitar, and you have a pretty aweomse personality. Though, we've chatted quite a while, and hung out, I still haven't had a heart to heart talk to you. I want to know you better. You put a smile on my face because you're so funny. Thank you, for being yourself. You keep my great company. Thanks for asking me to a slow dance, i appreciate very much, and i'm sorry for what happenned. I think you're kinda cute!
A.
I hope we're just friends. But friends are not suppose to ruin your night. Did i just sacrifice my night for you?! Well, everything was just on the surface. I feel tied down to you, i realize what i need. Someone strong, and free, and funny, and charismatic. I just can't seem to find something in common with you. I'm sorry, we can still try to maintain the fragile friendship we have. I know this is wrong, but i choose who I want to open up to. Is this wrong? Choosing people to love? Who am i to judge right?! I shouldn't have the right to. But loving everyone should be a problem, showing some kindness isn't suppose to get me into deep trouble right?! So why?! Am i just freaking out? Or what?
M.
I kinda always knew you fancy me. But i'm sorry if i ever lead you on. Personally, i don't think so. But maybe that's because of my personality. I don't like you. I don't feel the spark in me. I'm sorry. Please, i'm not that great of a person. And you'll regret that you gave your heart to me. I'm not worth it. Really, I'm not. I'm not worth it for you, because i don't feel the same way. Save your love for someone who appreciates it. Thank you.
J.
I'm wondering how's life going with you?
A.
Thanks for being such a great friend. And always being there for me, handling my shit load of crap. Thanks!
J, B, I.
THANK YOU SO MUCH. I love you guys. I feel like the silence in between is growing to be too comfortable. Not that it's a bad thing. But i thought it's suppose to be a great night. I can sense that there's stuff haning mid air, who are we if we can share about each other's life? I'm sorry if i whined too much. But thanks for always listening. I need to talk, and blurt everyhting out. I have no idea why. Writing this out kinda makes me feel better, kinda opens up my eyes and let me see that this is really nothing much. I'm still growing, there's so much more to be learned.
J.
I LOVE YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STANDING BY ME AND ALWAYS BEING THERE FOR ME. MY RIDE AND SPIRITUAL GROWTH. YOU"RE DA BEST! U"RE LIKE MY SECOND MOM. THANKS FOR LOVING ME. YOU"RE AMAZING!
♥ 9:46 PM Sunday, May 09, 2010
There are days like these,
where i wake up in the morning,
feeling good, satisfied, content,
a feeling where i'm almost able to get what i want. Almost anything that i want.
You would thought this would be amazing, but this scared me. Because i'm sure that what i want may be flawed. May not be what i'm suppose to want.
THen again, there are days like these that teaches me how to relax and just let everything be.
Thank you GOd, for being by my side. Thank you for giving me such a great opportunity. Thank you for blessing me. I'm going to spread your love! I'm gonna spread the good news! I'm gonnna hopefully let people know how amazing you are! God, please give me the words to speak!
Thankyou! for giving me this day! I love you!
♥ 10:56 PM Wednesday, May 05, 2010